Some among us are unable to forgive. Some others forgive but do not forget. Still, others forgive but only when the offenders ask them for forgiveness. Moreover, there are others among us that do not forgive ourselves. Fortunately, there are many among us who forgive always and all. Among whom do I find myself? And you?

            Forgiving others is a characteristic of true human and divine love (charity), and an essential quality of happiness. As Christians, disciples of Jesus, we ought to love all with forgiving love: one who loves forgives.

            Jesus invites us to the unconditional forgiveness the saints and martyrs witnessed (cf. Acts, 7:60). He says: “If you forgive the faults of others, your heavenly Father will forgive you yours. If you do not forgive others, neither your heavenly Father will forgive you” (Mt 6:14-15). We remember Jesus’ Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Mt 18:21-35). St. Cyprian comments: “The servant was forgiven by his master, but he did not forgive another servant who owed him much less; this was the reason why the earlier received forgiveness while the other was taken away by his master: in the end, he was not forgiven.” Jesus concludes: “So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart” (Mt 18:35). St. Paul asks Jesus’ disciples: “Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Col 3:13).

            Forgiveness is simply “the expulsion of hatred, the rejection of wishing evil to the other; it is hope in the conversion of the criminal” (E. Lasarre). Traditionally, forgiving entails forgetting, erasing the faults others commit against us. Some time ago, some theologians began to prefer, instead of forgetting or erasing, remembering in another way. I like to say, remembering the offense of another as a healed wound.

            It seems that the unhappiness of some people is caused by their inability to forgive those who offend them. Certainly, unforgiving wounds the soul, and the wound will be there until the only available medicine is applied: forgiving.

            Being able to forgive others may be a difficult challenge for many among us. It is not easy, and at times it is really difficult, to forgive and forget, or remember in another way. Forgiving is usually a continuous process with different steps: not wishing evil to offenders, praying for them, wishing good to them, loving them. Let us see.

1. “I forgive, but I do not forget.” Then you do not forgive! Not forgetting implies answering a wrong with another wrong: a sort of “an eye for an eye.” True Christian forgiving implies forgetting the offense as an offense. And you ask: How can I forget? I have a good memory! If one remembers the faults of others against us, he or she remembers them as s/he remembers a healed wound. God forgets our forgiven sins. The Prophet prayed: O Lord, “You have cast all my sins behind your back” (Is 38:17). The oriental story of the woman visionary whose frequent visions of God her parish priest did not believe. Tired of her many visits, the priest told her: “OK, I will believe you if God tells you my secret sins.” In her next vision, the woman asked God. Later, she answered to the priest: “I asked God and he told me that he has forgotten your sins.” Christ forgave the tormentors who crucified him: “Father, forgive them”, and even excused them, “for they do not know what they are doing” (Lk23:34). As his followers, we try to do the same.
2. 2. “I forgive if the offender asks for it.” How do we forgive others? Do we only forgive them when they are sorry?  Not so. God does that, but we are not God, who forgives us always if we are repentant. Do we doubt others when they ask us to forgive them?  Try not to: Do we know their intentions? We may suspect! But suspicion, St. Thomas tells us, is generally wrong - morally. 
3.   “I do not forgive myself.” All of us – sinners – have made mistakes and perhaps continue committing sins through life. Thereafter, we blame ourselves: How could I have done this? I acknowledged then my sins, confessed them, and God forgave and forgot them. Some among us suggest to forget completely the forgiven sins: playing with dirt may make us dirty -again! Others prefer to remember their sins to be more deeply repentant. Still others prefer to underline not their forgiven sins but the mercy of God. St. Francis de Sales tells us that Mary Magdalen, after she was forgiven by Jesus, never looked back at her bad past. Our bad past is buried and generally forgotten. We focus on the present and walk towards the future by steps of faithful and hopeful love.
4. We ask humbly for forgiveness from God and from those we offend. This petition helps us recognize our weakness, frees us form the slavery of sin, and makes our forgiving others easy. How about asking God to forgive the sins of our ancestors? An initial attempt at answering: We can say - with due respect – that it has become fashionable to ask forgiveness for the “sins” of the past by the Church, a diocese, a religious congregation. It can be very Good to do it, if it is a means towards reconciliation, if it is a medicine to heal the wounds caused by injustices. Justice alone is necessary but not sufficient: only justice with forgiveness, which is a product of love/charity. Nevertheless, what matters most for us is to be sorry for our sins, to forgive others, and try hard not to commit today the “sins” our predecessors committed.

            What makes forgiving possible and even attractive?  God’s love in us. Genuine love of neighbor entails forgiving all, including our enemies. St. Isidore of Seville said that perhaps not all can share something with the poor, but all, including the poor, can forgive. Therefore, we try honestly to forgive always: seventy times seven, Jesus tells Peter - and all of us -, that is always (cf. Mt 18:22).

            We forgive all but hate the evil they may have done to us. Knowing our weaknesses, we need to pray.  According to St. Teresa of Avila, prayer leads to forgiveness. As part of our night prayer, it is commendable and spiritually healthy to ask God and neighbor for forgiveness of our sins and to forgive those who offended us during the day. At times, it may be hard to do it, so we ask the good Lord to help us.

            Daily, we pray the Our Father: “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” How may we pray the Our Father if we do not forgive those who offend us? A card I received some time ago shouted to me: “To forgive and be forgiven make every day a new day.” Las summer I read on the back cover of a book: “One who does not forgive has no future.” 

            Forgiving means a happy new day and a happy future. May it be so for all! (FGB)